Journal of an American Yogi

11/12/07

November eleventh was a beautiful fall afternoon, temperature in the mid sixties. The ground was covered with multicolored fluffy leaves. Their color fell into the Indian and clay range of color, rich mud’s blending together giving me a vivid earthy feeling.
The leaves needed to be raked and composted and thus transformed back to earth to be used in the future gardening projects. As I raked these leaves they reminded me of my memories and experiences and the need to digest and assimilate them into my being. Where do those memories go? Do they create a fertile growing substance from which other ideas spring from? A lifetime of such experiences creates a bed of seeded tendencies and habits that determine how I spend my moments in life.
. The battle between good and evil is the struggle between creating good habits and bad habits. Everything we put into our bodies directly affects our state of being. That includes how we breathe, the type of food, the input we take in through our eyes and ears. Expanding our consciousness is truly related to being mindful.
Creating a state of neutrality begins the moment your eyes open after sleep. Some might say it starts the night before you crawl into bed. But once awakened you have an opportunity to start fresh and align the day in a beautiful way. Spiritual groups call it sadhana and it is the process of working on self in the early morning hours. The struggle is you against you. The fight is to get you out of bed and begin the process of cleaning yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The word is discipline. One becomes a disciple of one’s higher self. And it’s not that you can do it once and you are done with it, the challenge presents itself to you everyday. May each one of us experience daily victory and create habits where we excel in all our endeavors.

1/22/09

There is a sentence to a song we sing at the end of our Kundalini classes. It goes;
“May the long time sun shine upon you, all love surround you, and the pure light within you guide your way on.” It reminds me that the path I travel is towards me, my infinite self, and my deep connection to that part of me which can never be destroyed, corrupted, or damaged in any way. Today as I was relaxing at the end of a class, I felt that the journey was just to be present in every moment. The journey leads to here and now. To be content in this moment is the real bliss that is available to each and every one of us.
What can we do to maintain this state? I say whatever it takes to obtain it. Whatever uplifts and gives us that state of peace and bliss in the present moment is our practice.

5/16/07

The world moves with rhythm. The seasons have a precise time in which they begin and end. Day and night dance with each other lengthening and shortening in relation to the seasons. As we practice yoga we can use the vehicle of rhythm to help us get back in sync with ourselves. Kundalini yoga uses repetition of movement in its practice. When we combine that movement with music we allow ourselves to set in motion a specific connection to the deeper rhythm of the earth as well as a connection to the flow of the rhythm of the universe.
When I teach yoga, I help students to become aware of rhythm. The rhythm of the music I play in class, the rhythm of the yoga set I am working on in the moment, the rhythm of their external and internal physiological systems; essentially the rhythm of life. As we come to understand that rhythm, we move into a greater realm of peace. We learn to observe the rhythm of nature within and without. We may watch the movement of the clouds in the sky or the waves rolling into the shore. We may be able to see a relationship to those waves and our breathing. Our inhale may remind us of the individual wave pulling back in the body of the ocean as our exhale is similar to the wave rolling on to the land. The rhythm of water spilling over the rocks falling into a cool lush pool of gently created waves of water. A river as it meanders its way to the sea. Rain as it falls from the ethers during a thunderstorm. The subtle dance of the palm fronds as the wind caresses them individually and as a group. This rhythm takes place in all facets of nature. What we often fail to realize is that it takes place totally within us as well. When we are at ease we are well. When we are at dis-ease this rhythm is being blocked by us physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. One of Yoga’s benefits is to restore a rhythm to the practitioner. As practitioners we seek to bring back this awareness of rhythm through movement, breath, group consciousness, centering, contemplation and meditation. Repetition of movement designed to balance the nervous and glandular systems can play an important role in creating rhythm.
We as humans find our rhythm in dance, music and drumming. We find our rhythm in our habits, our sleep and our simple movements. Yoga helps us to find our way back to our natural state of Rhythm.

3/09/10
The mind acts like a computer that consistently runs programs. When by some good fortune one crosses paths with a great idea, special technique or an evolved  individual, what is learned and more importantly practiced can create a new program to change the beliefs, create new habits and free the individual from old outdated patterns as well as limitations. Listening to spiritual music, chanting and repetition of mantra can effectively change ones behavior.
Anand is a word that means bliss. It is the state of being joyous in the face of any external event. The repetition of Anand in some of its form can have a dynamic effect on one who repeats it. When the word Jap or Japa is used, it refers to the practice of repetition. Mantra therapy employs repetition. When mantra is played in a musical form and sung over and over, it can set up a cycle of repetition that attracts the mind and allows it to root in the brain. When chanting (the constant repetition of mantra) invokes emotions, it can change, sooth and lull the mind into a state of bliss. Even the very thought of Anand when linked to music can direct the mind into a state of happiness. Ananda baya translates to I am bliss. When sung or repeated over and over again the singer can spontaneously arrive at a temporary state of bliss.

The word Ma in some traditions means rebirth. In a more universal way Ma means mother or moon. Singing Ma over and over again can create a sense of security in the chanter, as well as a forging a connection to the Divine Feminine.
Yogi Bhajan gave people many techniques to connect to the Divine Feminine. One method has the practitioner sit with his/her right leg up, the foot on the ground, the left leg on the ground with the bottom of the foot against the ankle of the right leg. The right elbow rests on the right knee and the right hand cups the right ear as if trying to hear something in the distance. The left hand is on the ground behind the body giving support to the trunk of the body. The practitioner calls long drawn out Ma’s, attempting to entice the Divine Mother to come to the practitioner. After 11 minutes of this procedure, the practitioner switches sides and continues for the same amount of time. The results can be quite profound; the sound current may stimulate a variety of sensations and feelings from simple relaxation to deep inner connection.

5/21/05

Where are you my Divine Lover? Are you keeping me for yourself while I feel imprisoned and alone? Is this a test for me or punishment for forgetting who my true love is? I sit 600 feet above sea level, overlooking the rain forest above Dominical CR. Several of my friends and family put aside 85 acres of jungle, primary and secondary rainforest to protect it from being developed into condos, luxury houses and rentable property. I contemplate my journey to be here.
In 1996 I had attended winter solstice in Florida, a gathering of Yogis, mediators and seekers coming together to practice yoga and celebrate the return of the days getting longer. White Tantric Yoga, the main attraction of winter solstice, is a unique experience and opportunity to cleanse the subconscious mind, merge in group consciousness and develop mental focus and deep peace. This particular event changed me forever. I unleashed a state I now refer to as The Longing. I fully experienced my pain and separation from a failing marriage, from feelings of abandonment as a child, from an intense desire to connect with another human being, and a vast array of unfulfilled emotions previously projected on persons and situations in my life. The event went from the personal to the Impersonal. The Moon became my Lover. As I left Central Florida and headed south diving to the Miami airport, my longing and desire totally overwhelmed me. My internal environment superimposed itself onto the pastoral scenes which came into my field of vision as a drove on The Sunshine Parkway heading south. I felt that I was being pulled toward the Great Unknown, a first time visit to Central America. My focus and personal suffering gripped my mind for 6 hours while tears streamed down my cheeks. The moon was full that day and seemed to rise from the Ocean as I made my way down the wide concrete road. My Moon Princess rose over pastures where cows grazed and stood seemingly watching my awakening to a vision of the divine Goddess. She grew in color and strength and hid herself behind clouds as a belly dancer covers herself with a sheer vale of silk cloth. My Queen’s colors were sensuous purples and magentas and her body was a vibrant yellow. She became my beloved. She held my emotions as she rhythmically guided the reins of the tides and the bodies of the vast oceans. What power did I have to refuse her? I longed to celebrate the joy of merging, the moment of sharing, and the transformation of seeing, smelling, tasting this short life that the divine had granted me. So profound was this internal experience that my very cells felt magnetized and held me captive as my body heaved with longing. After the great purge of emotions subsided and I arrived at the airport, I felt as if I floated through the entire boarding process, landing in Costa Rica in a dreamy state of mind. I was primed for the lush natural adventure of the tropical rainforest. The expanse of nature teeming with life in the Jungle, the rugged landscape with mountains dipping into the ocean, completely captivated me and became an involuntary extension of my difficult drive south.
Today I ask myself will the Divine Goddess grant me another vision to celebrate the longing of my soul to merge with Source? Is this the gift, my being separated so as to activate my creativity and write about my longing? Teasing me with a muse here and there? I believe my job is to witness and trust my journey. Adieu Divine Lover, may we meet again and again.

7/03/07

I am sitting here wanting to quit, giving up this pursuit of self discovery, the notion of believing that the universe watches over me and will take care of me and my family. I should get a real job as my father in law has said to me. And of course means a real job like working for EMC. Even though yoga has been around for thousands of years, teaching others to look inside themselves is for dreamers, not for real people.

As I sit here thinking, two black crows land on my balcony and stare at me. One has a berry in its mouth, the other empty beaked. The birds light only for a moment. Did they land to send me a message? The berry in one of the crows’ mouth felt as if the universe is giving a gift, something from the unknown. One crow came with a gift, the other came with nothing. They both looked at me with one eye and then with the other. It is said that the message of the crow is: one eye is in the known reality and the other from an inner plane of consciousness.

Could the gift come from the ethers telling me to keep up and keep going?

Could it be saying “We are working with you my son, we want to communicate with you to share with the world. People need to know how to live in this new age, the Age of Aquarius and the dawning of consciousness. All humans have the ability to tap into deeper inner resources and those resources are being made available to each human. This is the simple message of this cusp period. Awaken my friends and explore your own well of wealth.”

If I am right oh universe, will you send me another message to confirm?

2/5/08

How do I find the state of joy? I know it can be related to gratitude.
Joy and gratitude are muscles that can be worked. You can get into it from a spontaneous entry point arising from innocence and pureness. But the more you focus on gratitude and open your mind to joy, the greater the possibility of staying in these states. Sometimes I have dreams of houses or mansions with vast amounts of rooms. They are places within my inner psyche. That’s what the dream is attempting to show me. Most of the conscious waking states along with the external factors of everyday life, news, and routine can feel like dog eat dog, and fight, fight, fight. But my inner life can be pure joy. My mind has the ability to be like a fleeting bird in the middle of winter, landing on the limb of a bare tree, finding a berry still hanging on the branch.

12/07/08

It started last night. It pushed its way into my consciousness from a place of utter frustration. I asked my soul to get up and go to sadhana. As I awoke in the early hour morning, my inner self wouldn’t let me return to sleep. My thoughts kept me awake. These thoughts brought back places in my life where I had let myself down. Lifetimes are a chance, and a golden opportunity to expand consciousness and create a better world. So I got up and drove to the ashram to work on myself, to practice yoga and meditate in the early morning hours before the coming of the light.
There were new people sitting on the shinning wood floor, folks I hadn’t seen before. They were young and possibly students the man who was leading the small but enthusiastic group. The yoga room has French doors which face south. When I have the choice as to where I sit when at the ashram, I place myself in the north east corner of the room with my back against the wall. The way to enter the sadhana room sits to my right and connects to a hall way which runs east west. The door to the outside allows those who wish to enter the hall to do so from the far west. I hear a thump and a heavy hand open and close this door about half way through the yoga set. The second door to the inner room opens with an aggressive force entering the sacred space. People’s consciousness or lack of it often shows up during sadhana. I knew who this person was by his approach. He brings up my “stuff” as well as the stuff of many other people. This guy is filled with fear. He has worked diligently on himself for years. If liberation was connected solely to effort, he would have made it years ago. I find myself in his business throughout the process of sadhana. And so it goes, my garbage coming up and up and up. I keep repeating a mantra which counters the thoughts so they won’t go back into the subconscious mind. More of my fears come up, do I have enough money, will I be successful at my projects, how strong is my relationship with my wife, and of course the x rated thoughts. They are going on but when I am focused on the mantra, the thoughts do not manifest at a conscious level. By the time the meditations end, I feel cleansed, refreshed and ready to engage in the day.

In my good moments, I feel like a kernel of corn. The pressure of the times burns like a great flame and I am being roasted and cooked. When the temperature rises enough I will pop and change shape. The kernel is the same as the popped corn, just in another form. Exert a pressure on something and it changes its structure. The morphed form waits to be consumed by a greater force.
When I am in doubt, and the non reality seems like the reality, I feel frustrated, waiting, and unable to discover the things that would cause me to morph. A few years ago when my career as a teacher seemed to have stalled, I began to drift into a real funk, avoiding the personal pressure necessary to change. Fifteen years ago I was on top of my game, expanding as a yoga teacher in a small pool. Now I see so many people doing good work in so many fields it causes me to realize the smallness of my playing. But does the wind whisper differently to the blade of grass than it does to the grandest of the trees?
What does my soul want me to do? How can I serve in the greatest capacity and feel that I am reaching my vast potential? I am in need of stronger financial assets, especially in terms of cash. Smaller concerns such as wanting to have much mo money and be able to take a real vacation occupy my mind. Learning to direct my thoughts towards serving the something bigger than my personal needs feels at the edge of my mind. I want to expand in that larger arena, when will I pop?

Kundalini yoga is a very powerful tool. It is a means of expression with different outcomes than the mechanism of power yoga. In Kundalini yoga, the body becomes the vehicle of the possibility of experience of transformation unto the consciousness of infinity.

             This morning I turned on the television and watched the today show. The hosts of the show were doing fire walking. Diane Sawyer was so pumped. She and the other host went walking hand-in-hand across the coals. Wow, on the today show!  They were  repeating the mantra cool moss  over and over. I remembered this method, taking me back to a fire walking seminar I attended  in the late 1980’s taught by Tony Robbins.       

 Something is happening to the consciousness of the public.  It is happening through TV shows, through books and through the Internet. If you listen to conservative talk radio you will hear a different point of view. On a program on 96.9 talk radio a host was complaining that there are no good TV shows on anymore.  I strongly dissagree! Shows like Eli Stone, the Journey Man, even life on Mars reflect a hunger of the general public to experience something greater than themselves, something that reflects a vastness within their own soul. I think this is a very good sign and that we are on the right path.

            Still, many people think that yoga is an aerobic tool or just another way to get the body in shape. That is just a very small part of the yoga experience.

            Deep stretching while dissolving physical and emotional resistance helps the mind as well as the body to stretch. If one takes the attention to the base of the spine and then mentally visualizes bringing the energy up, then one gains a sense of expansion. It is possible to dissolve resistance through each chakra and thus experience a sense of deep peace. Pay attention to your thoughts and dissolve those patterns that are causing you to resist your experience of vastness while retaining the thoughts that expand and fill your being with peace, wellness and joy. We have a choice each moment, to experience our limited self or to connect to the vastness of who we really are.